Maybe you haven’t heard of the new C-Span 8 channel, with behind the scenes coverage of the US Senate, but I’m going to stay up all night and watch behind the scenes of this serious Senate debate. My guess is there won’t be much need for all those cots (link), which are just a taxpayer-funded photo-op. I’ll let you know what happens!
7:48 PM ET, Teddy Kennedy’s office: Jello Shots with Bacardi 151 served.
8:05 PM ET, David Vitter’s office: Senator Vitter is on the phone, closes doors to camera.
8:43 PM ET, Kennedy’s office: Shots up! Three Wise Men served (Jack Daniels, Jim Beam, and Jose Cuervo).
9:03 PM ET, Sen. Barack Obama lights up 3rd cigarette.
9:10 PM ET, Senator Specter asked to leave a group of Democrats, one overheard saying “we already know you’re voting with us, now beat it”.
9:27 PM ET, The Kennedy Caucus meets for Red Bull & Vodka.
9:36 PM ET, The Senate Women’s Caucus, led by “Dean” Barbara Mikulski (D-MD), meets to do their nails. When Kay Bailey Hutchison (R-TX) fails to show, Senators Snowe and Collins of Maine diss her hairdo and outfit.
9:49 PM ET, Senator Robert Byrd (D-WV) has wandered out of his office, apparently disoriented. Staffers looking for him.
10:01 PM ET, Playing “Truth or Dare”, in Senator Kennedy’s office, Pete Domenici (R-NM) streaks the office hallway.
10:23 PM ET, In Senator Kennedy’s office Senator Joe Biden (D-DE) tells Sen Barack Obama (D-IL), “you’re one of the good ones”.
10:42 PM ET, Music playing from Senator Tim Johnson’s office??
10:59 PM ET, Senator Byrd found in ladies room mumbling about diapers.
11:03 PM ET, Senator Kennedy sends nephew Rep Patrick Kennedy on beer run.
11:36 PM ET, As Senators Ron Wyden (D-OR) and Russ Feingold (D-WI) leave Sen Bernard Sanders’s (I-VT) office, smoke pours out of door. Senator Orrin Hatch (R-UT) passes by and pulls fire alarm, screaming “there’s a rope on fire”.
11:43 PM ET, Senator Mary Landrieu (D-LA) blames President Bush for her failure to evacuate when the fire alarm sounded.
11:53 PM ET, Senator Kerry secures the women’s caucus’ vote for a non-binding resolution declaring him the biggest stud in the Senate.
12:00 AM ET, Senator Byrd’s staff call over PA requesting Depends undergarments.
12:01 AM ET, Senators Max Baucus (D-MT) and John Tester (D-MT) catch Wyoming’s new Senator John Barrasso (R) sleeping. They dip his hands in warm water but he wakes up. Senator John McCain (R-AZ) threatens to censure them.
12:19 AM ET, Senators Tom Harkin (D-IA) and Charles Grassley (R-IA) send freshman Senator Bobby Casey (D-PA) to go look for left-handed paper stretcher.
12:37 AM ET, Back in Senator Kennedy’s office, “Spin the Bottle” game broken up when Jim Webb (D-VA) refuses to kiss Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) and storms out of office.
12:49 AM ET, Senator Chuck Schumer (D-NY) accuses Sen Daniel Inouye (D-HI) of cheating in poker. Senator Sherrod Brown (D-OH) accuses Senator Jeff Sessions (R-AL) of having ties to the playing card manufacturer even though Brown wins hand.
1:04 AM ET, Senator Obama lights up 6th cigarette, discusses universal health care with Senator Herb Kohl (D-WI).
1:17 AM ET, Senator Jim Webb stumbles back into the Ted Kennedy Office Suite and states “I’m here to do two things tonight, drink some beer and kick some butt. Looks like we’re just about outta beer.” Senator McCain threatens to censure Webb.
1:28 AM ET, Senator Russ Feingold (D-WI) puts his autographed copy of “Loose Change” in the DVD player. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) says “this should be required-watching for all senators.
1:37 AM ET, Senator Hatch (R-UT) rolls his eyes at a staffer’s offer of coffee.
1:46 AM ET, Senators Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) and Maria Cantwell (D-WA) try Senator Clinton’s (D-NY) cookies and try feign enjoyment.
2:02 AM ET, Senator Daniel Akaka (D-HI) and Senator Jeff Bingaman (D-NM) catch Senator Wayne Allard (R-CO) sleeping and shave his right eyebrow off.
2:18 AM ET, Senator Byron Dorgan (D-ND) asks if anyone else in Senator Kennedy’s office is “rolling”? Senator Russ Feingold (D-WI) leaves the room.
2:19 AM ET, Senator Jim Webb (D-VA) intentionally spills a beer all over Lindsey Graham (R-SC). Graham puts his arm around Webb and says “looks like my colleague from Virginia is cut off”. Webb puts Graham in a choke-hold and gives him a “noogie”.
2:32 AM ET, Senator Susan Collins (R?- ME) suggests that “everyone’s goin’ streaking on the mall”.
2:38 AM ET, Senators Kennedy and Durbin toast a shot of vodka to Nikita Krushchev.
2:40 AM ET, Senator Sam Brownback calls Kennedy’s office asking for music to be turned down. Senator Webb puts in Metallica’s Kill ‘Em All and increases volume.
2:42 AM ET, Senator Brownback calls again, threatening to call Capitol Police.
2:43 AM ET, Senator Jim Webb refuses to turn down music.
2:44 AM ET, Senator Olympia Snowe (R-ME) says “There’s got to be a diplomatic solution to this problem. Senator Brownback should strategically redeploy further down the hall.”
2:45 AM ET, Senator Tom Carper (D-DE) goes out for a jog. Senator Feingold (D-WI) eyes him suspiciously and re-closes his office door.
2:59 AM ET, Senator Ken Salazar (D-CO) breaks out his karaoke machine in Senator Kennedy’s office. Senators Hillary Clinton, Mary Landrieu, and Barbara Boxer sing “I will survive”.
3:02 AM ET, Senator Chris Dodd Karaokes Billy Idol’s “Dancing With Myself”.
3:07 AM ET, Pillow Fight! Senator Kay Bailey Hutchinson (R-TX) started hitting Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) with a pillow and Senator Feinstein just stood there being pummeled with a pillow saying “someone help me, anyone help me, there’s got to be someone who’ll help me, I’m being attacked with a pillow” but no one helped her.
I was thinking earlier tonight how great it is to have a Senate that’s doing its rightful job as commander-in—oh, nevermind.
Aww man, I’d like to cover more but I have to work tomorrow- I better get to sleep so I can get up and work tomorrow and pay half my earnings back in taxes!